Tag: Equality

So what is toxic masculinity?
Equality Issues · Opinion

So what is toxic masculinity?

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Our new book, How Frank Helped Hank, tackles the subject of toxic masculinity. But what is toxic masculinity?

It’s a term used to describe the societal expectations placed on boys and men, that can have a damaging affect on them, and as a consequence, on women. It’s the outdated idea that there are traditional male gender roles, that men, strong men, manly men, winners, must behave in a certain way. That being seen to be this strong, manly type of man, is the most desirable way to be. So from a young age we tell our boys to ‘man up’. We tell them, ‘don’t cry like a girl’. We belittle them if they ‘throw like a girl’ or ‘run like a girl’. We throw around the word ‘girl’ (or other more sweary variations of the word!) as a derogatory term, intended to make fun of the boy or man on the receiving end. But why is this damaging?

In the simplest of ways it’s just bizarre in 2020 that we expect people to behave in a certain way, and not just allow them to be themselves. But there is a more serious reason.

In the UK, one of the biggest causes of death for men under the age of 45, is suicide. On the home page of their website, CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) states that every week in the UK, 125 people take their own life, and that 75% of all UK suicides, are male. These numbers are shockingly high; I was astounded, and so saddened when I first read about them. And I wondered why it is that boys and men are more vulnerable to this.

The CALM website lists 3 societal pressures that boys and men live under, which likely contribute to this:

  • They feel a pressure to be a winner and can more easily feel like the opposite.
  • They feel a pressure to look strong and feel ashamed of showing any signs of [perceived] weakness.
  • They feel a pressure to appear in control of themselves and their lives at all times.

It’s not a massive leap to understand that a childhood of being told to man up, and not cry like a girl, negatively impacts on a man’s ability to access and express his emotions, and seek help.

Blimey Suze this is all a bit heavy for a kids’ book isn’t it? We can think that, or we can start to change the messages that boys receive so they are not embarrassed to ask for help when they need it. And also, y’know, so they don’t grow up to be macho dicks with gigantic egos and a total lack of empathy for their fellow humans!

So if toxic masculinity is damaging for our boys, why and how does it negatively impact on our girls? More on that in our next blog post: Why Toxic Masculinity Hurts Women Too.

Change the message
Equality Issues · Opinion

Change the message

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In 2016 a deputy principal in a New Zealand school, called a group of 15 and 16 year old girls into a meeting, and requested that their school skirts are worn no shorter than knee level.

On the face of it, this isn’t a particularly unusual request: there are dress codes that we follow all over the world every day. You wouldn’t wear white to a wedding, or a bikini to a baptism. But it wasn’t a simple school dress code alone that prompted this request. The reason given was to

“keep our girls safe, stop boys from getting ideas and create a good work environment for male staff.”

Parents and commentators were, quite rightly, outraged by this reasoning. It clearly sends the message to young women that they and they alone are responsible for boys “getting ideas”. That their choice of clothing is what will create a good working environment for the male staff (presumably meaning they will be less distracted?). And that if they don’t wear a skirt of the appropriate length, they will not be safe. That last one is really creepy because it’s almost a threat: short skirt? Expect the worst.

None of this reasoning puts any of the responsibility at all onto the young men or the male teachers. It, in fact, teaches boys that their actions are caused by girls, thus rendering them blameless. It’s effectively allowing them off the hook and teaching them that they won’t be held accountable.

But it’s also teaching them that girls are only there to be looked at, to be a distraction. That they are an ornament, something to gaze upon and be beguiled by. It’s teaching the boys this, but it’s teaching the girls it too.

A report published last year by The Children’s Society found that almost a quarter of 14-year-old girls have self-harmed (the term “self-harming” was used to describe a wide range of behaviours, including drug and alcohol abuse, as well as physical self-harming). The Girlguiding Girls’ Attitudes survey found that 71% of 11-21 year-olds would like to lose weight, with 52% saying they have been on a diet, and 38% admitting to having sometimes skipped meals to try and drop the pounds.

Let’s change the messages that both our boys and girls receive. BOYs you are responsible for your actions: if a glimpse of leg or shoulder is distracting, look away. GIRLs you are not only alive to be attractive to men: your body is an instrument not an ornament.

We would never tell a group of schoolboys that they can’t wear shorts as it’s distracting to the female teachers. It sounds absurd just reading that, doesn’t it? So let’s change the messages. Let’s try and create a more equal society for our girls and our boys.

Have you got her back?
Opinion

Have you got her back?

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3 minute read

Did anyone see Love Island this week? Two new girls entered the villa and the existing girls started baying for blood as they watched some of the boys interact with them. It made for unpleasant viewing, watching immature eye-rolling behaviour and listening to the childish heckles of a group of young women, wracked with envy and unsure what to do with their feelings. It was directed mainly at one of the newcomers who put on a brave face and played up to it, but also admitted that it was getting to her. It was uncomfortable to watch and made me want to shout at them all to support each other on what is undoubtedly an experience that will screw with their heads.

Madeleine Albright, the first female Secretary of State, famously said,

“there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.”

She was introducing Hillary Clinton who was then campaigning to become the first female Democratic nominee. It wasn’t the first time Albright had used the phrase, and after that rally, she went on to say “In a society where women often feel pressured to tear one another down, our saving grace lies in our willingness to lift one another up.”

I was reminded of Albright’s quote as I watched a group of young women act childishly, and meanly, clearly feeling threatened by the presence of another. Why would they do this?

I think it’s because, for centuries, a women’s value was based on two things: her attractiveness and thus her ability to find a husband and provide (male) heirs. Women had no other reason to exist in society, save to look pretty and keep a man happy.

In 1792, Mary Wollstonecraft wrote in A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, that this emphasis on marriage and aesthetic upkeep, causes women to become cruel under their calm exteriors, as they’re placed in a perpetual state of competition with one another. At the time, once married, men and women were legally considered to be one person, a woman having no separate legal rights from her husband. With so few rights and little to no education, the chance for economic survival outside of the marriage was non-existent. Wollstonecraft argued that the fear of being replaced (by a younger, more desirable model, one considered more likely to birth sons) led women to become sneaky and deceitful towards men, in an attempt to hold onto them, and limited the possibility of forming caring bonds with other women.

So for decade after decade, young women have learned that competition in the shape of another female is bad and requires sneaky tactics to be fought against. In 2019 women may have gained equal rights in the eyes of the law, but centuries of heavily engrained beliefs mean we still place so much of a woman’s value on her physical appearance, and thus ability to snare a man.

The ladies of Love Island tapped into those heavily engrained beliefs this week as they attacked their potential replacements. If the next generation is taught more about being each other’s equals, and learn to value each other for more than just their appearance, perhaps Love Island in 2035 will be a show where you can get all the feels watching people fall in love, but less discomfort watching women tear each other down.

International Women’s Day 2019
Company News

International Women’s Day 2019

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This year’s International Women’s Day is on Friday 8th March. Some people may (will) ask, why do we need an international women’s day? What about an international men’s day? Well. First of all, there is an IMD: it’s on 19th November. And secondly, whenever anyone responds to just about any question with, what about, you pretty much have answered the question as to why you needed it in the first place!

See IWD isn’t about men; it’s about celebrating women. Their achievements. Their acts of courage and determination. Their attempts to create change and a more equal world for everyone. So if you make it about men, by asking what about, then you’re missing the point altogether.

It’s like someone doing a sponsored run for Cancer Research, and saying, but what about heart disease? But, what about it? In choosing to run for research in cancer, we’re not ignoring heart disease. This sponsored run is for cancer research, because for this moment time, we want to focus on that. Doesn’t mean heart disease doesn’t exist, or isn’t worthy of our attention. Just right now, we’re focussing on cancer research.

But more often than not, people don’t say things like that. When you set up your Just Giving page and share it with friends and family, they either donate, or they don’t. Rarely would anyone openly challenge your decision to run 10k, and donate the sponsorship money to a worth while cause. But so often, when you say you’re a feminist, or that you’re celebrating a female focused event, like IWD, people challenge your thinking, and often, in the way they challenge, they make it about men.

But as we’ve already said, IWD is about celebrating women. Though it officially became recognised in 1975 by the United Nations, there were a number of celebrations and days of observance dating back to 1909, when a National Women’s Day was held in New York. And in 1914, on March 8th, there was a march from Bow in East London to Trafalgar Square in support of woman’s suffrage. This was also the day that Sylvia Pankhurst (Emmeline’s daughter) was arrested outside Charing Cross Station, on her way to speak in Trafalgar Square. So it’s rather fitting that we chose International Woman’s Day, to celebrate the launch our collaboration with Cotton Twist: a make your own Emmeline Pankhurst peg doll.

So on this International Women’s Day, I shall be thinking about Emmeline and all the brave women who stood by her side, campaigning for a woman’s right to vote. So much has changed since then, and there are still so many amazing women (and men) today, lobbying and creating positive change for future generations of girls and boys. And that is certainly something to celebrate.

The make your own Emmeline Pankhurst peg doll is a Thea Chops Books collaboration with Cotton Twist, and the first in their Wonderful Women range.

Nevertheless, she persisted.
Opinion

Nevertheless, she persisted.

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Recently, over on Instgaram, I wrote about the time that I had a slightly sticky conversation with someone about why I write about the things I write about. I think I do it for pretty simple reasons like wanting our children to have equal opportunities in life. The person I was talking to seemed pretty cross that ‘people like you nit pick at everything.’

Later that day I was chatting to someone else about my conversation. Their response? Why even start a conversation like that with someone who is a Septuagenarian, and who you know disagrees with your views. And for a second I wondered if maybe they were right; maybe I should just avoid these topics with some people….. The friend who revels in sharing outdated sexist views about women in the workplace, or about doing jobs around the house, because ‘it just bants, relax, I’m just winding you up’. Or the much older work colleague who claims they are never going to hold a door open again because ‘you feminists want to hold your own doors open’…. You know who I mean. (As a side note, you’ll often hear ‘bants’ used as an excuse for sexism or rudeness, and claiming ‘you feminists all do something’ is as absurd as saying ‘all British people drink at least 5 cups of tea everyday’. I know plenty of Brits who drink 6 cups). But silencing myself to keep someone else happy, that just felt wrong. Not talking about what I believe to be right, in order to not potentially have a difficult conversation. Yeh, that just doesn’t sit comfortably does it?

Because I’m not talking about hurting people. I’m not planning to cancel Christmas, or declare that parents can no longer cook fish fingers with peas at dinnertime (what would we feed the children…..?). I’m talking about basic human rights for everyone. Human rights. Not feminist rights. Human.

So I’ve decided that if I’m asked a question, I shouldn’t shy away from responding honestly. I don’t want to pick a fight with anyone (Lord knows I hate confrontation and would rather run a 10k). But I will persist with my beliefs that girls are equal to boys, and that they should both live exactly the lives they wish, without any stereotypes being forced upon them.

In early 2017 US Democrat Elizabeth Warren was silenced on the senate floor by Mitch McConnell with the words “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.” McConnell’s supporters said she had broken senate rules, and was within his rights, but critics said the language that was used was all too common from those who wish to silence, marginalise or ignore people. I don’t compare myself with a US Senator taking to the house floor to debate (I’d run a 20k to avoid that!), but I do think it’s important for me to remember that it’s ok, not to avoid the tricky conversations. Or none of us will ever learn anything new. And nothing will ever change.

Raising Humans Over Supper – Event
Company News · Events

Raising Humans Over Supper – Event

Suzanne Hemming

In December 2017 we hosted a panel event called Raising Humans.  We talked to two guest speakers (from Let Toys Be Toys and These Two Dudes) about why they believe gender equality is important for our children and why it starts when kids are young.  It was a really great morning of fascinating information and interesting discussion.

So we decided to do it again!

On Tuesday 5th June we’re holding Raising Humans Over Supper, an opportunity to hear and discuss equality in childhood with Olivia Dickinson from Let Toys be Toys and Alex Mees from These Two Dudes, while enjoying the wonderful home cooked food from Salvation Suppers Chef, Susan Foynes.  It will take place at Space @ 61 in SE15, and start at 7:30pm.  So it’s an opportunity to leave the kids at home, forget about your day and feed both your brain and stomach all while meeting some wonderful people.

The format for the event is:

19:30 welcome drinks and canapés

20:15 sit down and a brief intro to the night

20:30 our delicious main course will served

21:30 pudding and panel discussion, followed by mint tea and questions

23:00 carriages / uber / shank’s pony / the number 343 to Peckham Rye station

We’d love to have you join us for what we know will be a wonderfully delicious and interesting evening.  All you have to do is BYOB, and click on the image below to buy your ticket!  Seats are limited so do grab one before they all go!

See you there!

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The Gender Pay Gap – why does it matter?
Equality Issues

The Gender Pay Gap – why does it matter?

Suzanne Hemming

UK organisations with 250 or more employees, have until midnight on Wednesday 4th April, to met their legal requirement to report their gender pay gap data.  Of those who have already published their findings, 78% pay men more than they pay women.

The Pay Gap is not the same as as equal pay: since the Equal Pay Act of 1970, and the more recent Equality Act of 2010, it is unlawful for a company to pay people unequally because of their gender, and this applies to all employers no matter how large or small.

So a gender pay gap might exist where more men than women are in top level jobs (and vice versa of course).  Now, this might prompt some people to say, well if men have worked hard and risen to the top of the management tree, don’t they deserve a salary to reflect that hard work, experience and responsibility?  And surely no-one would deny paying someone in line with the requirements of the job?

So why are the government asking companies to assess and publish data? Why does it matter?

There’s no simple answer to this; it’s a complex issue and one which is reflective of societal issues as much as anything else.

The Fawcett Society (which is a group that campaigns for equality), says that caring responsibilities play a part, as it is more likely that a woman will care for young children, or for the elderly, meaning they are more likely to work in lower paid, part time roles, and which often have fewer opportunities for career progression.  We have a divided labour market (women are still more likely to work in these lower skilled / lower paid jobs than men), and discrimination is another likely cause: it has been reported that one in nine new mothers were either made redundant (or dismissed) or treated so poorly they felt that they had no choice but to leave their job.  This of course creates a gap in experience, and so when those women choose to return to work at a later date, it can lead to lower wages.  And in general, more men than women, hold more senior roles in more companies, and the more senior a role, the more likely it is to have a higher wage.

A number of the companies who have already published their data, have said that their gap is due to that final reason: they have more men in top level jobs. Of these companies, some chose to add that men and women working in the same role are equally paid (which shouldn’t really need to said, as already mentioned above, it has been illegal to not do so since 1970!).

And so again, it might prompt some people to ask, why does this all matter? Why force companies to publish such sensitive data?

Because we can’t to do anything to address these differences (and their reasons) until we establish what the differences are.  Why are there more men in senior roles than women?  Why are around 54,000 new mothers losing their jobs each year?  Why do 44% of managers feel that mothers could become a burden to their team?

I’m not alone in thinking that it’s because we live in a fairly unequal society, which starts in childhood.  Boys and girls and treated differently from the moment they’re born.  Girls are sugar and spice and all things nice, and boys are encouraged to be the leaders of tomorrow, confident and loud and strong! If we continue to tell girls to sit nicely and be quiet, we’ll have another generation of young women who don’t have the confidence to argue their place in either society or a company.  If we continue to tell boys that they have to be strong, and lead and that girls are not the same as them, we’ll have another generation of young men who might think this pay gap isn’t a issue that needs addressing.

Some people of course won’t agree with this; some will say let kids be kids, stop putting your own labels and issues on them!!  Some people will also say that addressing the pay gap issue by forcing companies to publish data, and encouraging firms to set recruitment targets or quotas, means that hiring the ‘right person for the right job’ no longer applies, that someone will only be hired because they ‘ticked a box’.  That particular argument implies that currently, the right person is always in the right job!  The simple law of odds means that can’t be the case!  In a society that is roughly 50/50 men/women, why is it 54,000 mothers lose their jobs due to maternity discrimination each year, but the 54,000 men who become new parents don’t?

Companies who are shown to have a gender pay gap, won’t be ‘punished’ when their data is published.  But it is likely that society, and the media, will ask them why?  That potential employees will have concerns about working for them.  That other businesses will have concerns about working with them.  And given that a report published in 2016 stated that improved  gender parity could add £150 billion to the UK economy, why wouldn’t both companies and society, want to close the gender pay gap?

~

Click here to read more about the work of The Fawcett Society.  And do read about the wonderful #flexappeal campaign run by Mother Pukka, who has also recently teamed up with Pregnant then Screwed to set up and run the #Workitout forum, a space for working parents to find support and solutions.

 

 

Have you heard the news?
Company News

Have you heard the news?

Suzanne Hemming

We can’t tell you how excited we are that
She’s Not Good for a Girl, She’s Just Good!
has been turned into an activity book!

You can now create your very own version of the award winning book!

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As well as colouring in the story of Florence and Frank, there are lots of questions to think about and answer – just enough to keep the little Chops in your life busy over the Easter break!

Activity book cover square SNGFAGSJG

Thank you again for being part of the Thea Chops Books journey!

Click here to buy the book

 

 

 

 

And so, it begins!
Company News

And so, it begins!

Suzanne Hemming

From small acorns, grow mighty oaks, said a wise person once.  Most things in life begin small, look at babies!  And so it is with Thea Chops Books.  We’re small right now, and certainly our beginnings are even smaller! But it’s a start.  It begins.

I’ve been writing rhyming children’s stories for fun since my daughter was tiny.  I’ve always loved books: as a child I could hide away for hours with my head in a book.  And I always loved making up stories too, and remember feeling so proud one day when a teacher selected one of my pieces to read out to the class.  I do sometimes wonder why I didn’t go on to study English or creative writing, but it was not meant to be I guess.  Until now!

So here we are: the company is set up, as is the website and all of my preferred social media channels.  A fabulous illustrator is on board and is in the process of creating beautiful drawings to bring the story to life.  And support for the book. and the concept of the company (to produce entertaining but empowering stories that show boys and girls as equals) has been nothing short of amazing.  I started the year, somewhat reluctantly doing some crowdfunding to help pay for the publication of the book (I say reluctantly as I was convinced for weeks that no one would want to pledge or be interested – imposter syndrome eh?!  We know all about that!).  And honestly, I was blown away by the support I received from friends, family and many complete strangers!  People everywhere are really on board with the idea that we should begin teaching our children about equality from a young age, that the words we use and the messages we send are so so powerful, and impact so much.  Just look at the recent Women’s March: an historic day when millions of men, women and children across the globe marched to raise awareness for an equal world, and the need to protect legislation for human rights.

So here we are.  I’m set up, and I’m doing this.  I’m stepping so far out of my comfort zone that I want to step right back inside again!  But too late!  The cat is out of the bag and the beans are spilled! 

And so, it begins!

Thank you for coming along on the ride.

Suze x

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