Scrolling through Instagram this morning and a post from @Barbie dropped into my feed. It was announcing a one-of-a-kind doll in recognition of The Queen Consort’s leadership of @wowglobal. Women of the World is a global movement of festivals celebrating women, girls & non-binary people. Their aim is to change the way society sees girls and offers opportunities for their future. And Camilla has been the president of WOW since 2015.
Now. I’m not particularly a royalist, nor a major fan of Camilla, but it was the comments section that got me thinking. Here’s a little taster of the first handful:
“Yes let’s teach our daughters about infidelity and scandal”
“A mistress barbie. Didn’t know this is a thing that inspires.”
“You can be ANYTHING! Including a married man’s mistress!”
Are you seeing a pattern here?
What does the word ‘mistress’ mean?
I googled the word ‘mistress’: 1. a woman in a position of authority or control.”she is always mistress of the situation, coolly self-possessed” 2. a woman (other than the man’s wife) having a sexual relationship with a married man.”Elsie knew her husband had a mistress tucked away somewhere.”
Then I googled, is there a male equivalent of the word ‘mistress’, and there isn’t.
Some websites offered the word ‘paramour’ but it’s a gender neutral word and it doesn’t carry the same historical and societal connotations as mistress; it’s not seen as pejorative.
Labelling Camilla as a mistress, puts the blame squarely on her shoulders. It’s what the word does, it blames the woman for the actions of a man. And frankly, I’m getting rather tired of women being held responsible for the way men act.
Will boys be boys?
For far too long the phrase ‘boys will be boys’ has excused the poor behaviour of boys; bullying, teasing, fighting… It’s often met with shrug and a wry smile, but it allows boys to grow into men who believe they have no control over their actions. That behaving badly is just how they behave. In the playground it’s used when a boy pulls a girl’s ponytail, in the locker room is used for much worse….
It’s part of the reason why I’m writing my next children’s book and putting the message of consent front and centre. I hadn’t thought about including the term ‘boys will be boys’ but I’m obviously thinking that I should be… I’m still writing book 4, but if you want to read something to your boys (to all children!) about not hiding their feelings and not ‘manning up’ I’d definitely recommend my last book, How Frank Helped Hank.
Should Barbie have made a doll of Camilla? I don’t know, I don’t really care! But should we still be labelling ‘the other woman’, ‘the home wrecker’, or ‘the mistress’ while casually dismissing the actions of men..? No. No we shouldn’t. I’d love to know what you think.
If you’re like most parents, and you have just thought: how can there be only 48 hours until World Book Day 2024 and what on earth are they going to dress up as?!?
Take a look at Princess Flo, she’s a maths and science loving princess, who doesn’t want to be the queen when she grows up. She wants to be a great engineer!
Flo’s outfit is pretty easy to replicate, especially if you have either an old Elsa dress-up or a Cinderella outfit in the back of the kids’ wardrobe! Because really, it’s just a long blue dress and a pair of red wellies!
You could add a construction hat if you have one of those in the dress up box too. Chances are you’ll have a yellow one, and Flo’s is white; but we won’t tell anyone!
And if you also have a cape, and a sceptre, well Bob’s your auntie’s live in lover!
World Book Day doesn’t have to mean spending a fortune on a costume.
Any blue dress would work just as well, like this:
I haven’t put any links on there – this isn’t any kind of sponsored post! I just did a quick google and found a couple of of reasonably priced dresses. But you might even have something suitable in the kids’ wardrobe already. There might even be a long sleeved T Shirt of your own that would double as a dress!
As an author I LOVE World Book Day. As a parent, it’s more a case of GAH!!! Helping our tiny humans with a World Book Day outfit can feel stressful; but it doesn’t have to be!
I really hope these suggestions have helped and as always, I would LOVE to see your pictures! Don’t forget to tag me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/theachopsbooks/ or email me your photos to suze@theachopsbooks.com
Happy World Book Day everyone! Have a good one. And keep reading!
As World Book Day approaches on March 7th, I find myself thinking about the profound impact that reading has on our tiny humans.
So today, I want to talk about the importance of reading to and with babies and children. And why it’s beneficial for schools to invite authors into their classrooms to share the joy of storytelling.
Reading to kids is not just about entertaining them with colourful pictures and playful words.
It’s a gateway to a world of imagination, knowledge, and emotional development:
Building Bonds: Reading aloud to babies can create a special bond between the parent and child. The soothing rhythm of a story has a calming effect, and fosters a sense of security and attachment.
Language Development: Reading plays a huge in language development. Babies and toddlers who are read to regularly tend to have larger vocabularies and better language skills when they start school.
Cognitive Skills: Reading stimulates the brain and helps develop essential cognitive skills such as attention, memory, and problem-solving abilities. It lays the foundation for academic success later in life. There’s a reason teachers often say if you just do one thing at home with your kids; it’s read to them!
Imagination and Creativity: Stories have the ability to spark the imagination and ignite creativity in young minds. They transport children to magical worlds where anything is possible, which encourages them to dream big and feel inspired.
Empathy and Emotional Intelligence: Books are powerful tools for teaching empathy and emotional intelligence. Through stories about other places and people, children learn to understand and relate to the feelings of others, which encourages compassion and kindness.
Critical Thinking: Reading encourages children to ask questions, make predictions, and draw conclusions. All critical thinking skills that are essential for navigating the complexities of the world.
Cultural Awareness: Exposure to diverse stories and characters promotes cultural awareness and understanding, helping children to develop respect for everyone.
Lifelong Love of Learning: When reading is associated with joy and wonder, children are more likely to continue reading for pleasure throughout their lives.
Just a few reasons eh?!
And so to World Book Day! One of the ways that schools can nurture a love of reading is by inviting authors into their classrooms.
Inspiration and Role Models: Meeting an author can inspire children to see themselves as writers and storytellers. It shows children that their own stories and ideas are valuable and worth sharing.
Connection to the Creative Process: Hearing an author talk about their own work provides an insight into the creative process behind the story. Children learn that books don’t magically appear on shelves but are the result of hard work, imagination, and dedication.
Interactive Learning Experience: Author visits can turn reading into a lively and interactive experience. Children have the opportunity to ask questions, share thoughts, and engage with the story in a meaningful way. This is always one of the best parts of visiting a school as an author: kids can ask the most amazing questions!
Promotion of Literacy: Author visits reinforce the importance of literacy and reading for pleasure. This can create excitement around books and reading, motivating children to explore new stories and genres.
Reading is a superpower! Once a child can read, the world is their oyster! As an author, I think I have a responsibility to share my love of storytelling, and reading with the next generation. That’s why I love to I hear from primary school teachers enquiring about reading to their classes.
So let’s celebrate World Book Day by embracing the magic of reading and inspiring young minds to embark on their own literary adventures.
If you’re an Early Years or a KS1 teacher and you’d like to know more about booking me for a school visit, please email me at suze@thechopsbooks.com or read more here
Ahead of World Book Day on 7th March, and a week when as an author, my favourite thing to do is to go into schools and read to children, I thought you might like to know a little more about this author!
Tell us about your writing career to date.
I began writing in a blog when my daughter was little, as a way to get my thoughts about parenting out of my head – because as wonderful as parenting is, it can be tough right?! And it kind of progressed from there.
I’d written about the old fashioned nature of some classical fairy tales, and the out of date messages they send our children, and I had a go at rewriting one: I turned Cinderella into Ella and the iPhone, and at the end, when she’s reunited with her lost phone as the thumb print fits, she tells the prince that she just wants to be friends as she’s off to uni.
After that I began playing around with a few ideas, and Thea Chops Books was born.
What made equality & inclusivity so important to you?
Because it’s really important for all of us: all human beings deserve to be treated equally, fairly, and with respect. Once I started to see injustices in the world, I couldn’t unsee them. I knew I wanted to do something that would help create change.
How do you incorporate these themes into your books?
Hopefully with some humour! Mostly by choosing something, for example, the idea that what girls and boys like is determined by their gender, and challenging the ideas, in rhyme.
So, in my first book, ‘She’s Not Good for a Girl, She’s Just Good!’, the character of Frank tells Florence that girls are rubbish at sport, because that’s what his dad says. Florence challenges him and together they learn that you can be good at, and enjoy something, regardless of being a boy or a girl. Florence is good at some things, and Frank is good at others.
How can families introduce these themes into their children’s book collections?
Well, buying our books would be a great start! But also, a quick google of say, ‘kids’ books about equality’ will bring up a whole list of fabulous options.
Parents might think these themes are too mature for children – what’s your response to that?
Only if talked about in a non-age-appropriate way. How we discuss anything with a 2-year-old, is different to how we talk to an 8-year-old, or a 15-year-old. And kids are very literal, and accepting, so actually these conversations tend to be easier than we think.
When our old babysitter got married to her wife, my daughter commented that she looked like a princess in her dress. Then she asked me why her prince has long hair; and when I said she’s marrying another princess, because sometimes two women fall in love and choose to get married, my daughter, aged 2 1/2 replied, ‘okay’ and carried on watching the wedding. It was that simple a conversation.
Children are curious and bound to ask questions, how do you suggest parents and care givers respond? Do you have any good anecdotes?
When I first talked to my daughter about periods, the minute I used the word ‘egg’ she said, “Like a chicken?! Am I a chicken?!” it made us both laugh out loud. Even though through the laughter I managed to say, you’re not a chicken, we then clucked at each other for a bit, and I got the sense she wasn’t quite ready for the conversation.
The best way to respond, though, is honesty. And to keep it simple. Also pause after you’ve said something; don’t feel like you have to go into huge detail and explain it all in one go. If in the pause your child has another question, answer that one, but you might find that first response was enough, and they move onto something else.
But this is another reason why seeking out books is a great way to start these conversations. Other people have written about this for us! Reading with our children will either spark some questions, or provide a moment for you to ask, what did you think about that?
Favourite author writing in the same genre as you.
I love everything that Andrea Beaty does. I met her once at a reading in a local bookshop and totally fangirl-ed her!
So that’s a little about me – an author who would love to come to your primary school and read! If you’re a parent and you’re reading this please email your child’s school and ask them to get in touch with me at suze@theachopsbooks.com If you’re a teacher, and you’re still looking for an author for World Book Day 2024 or any other week of the year, please also drop me a line!
This interview was first published on the East Green Childcare Services website ahead of World Book Day in March 2023.
Hello there fellow parents, key stage 1 primary school teachers and bookworms!
Let’s talk about the impact reading has on both the intellectual, and emotional development of our tiny humans.
We know that there are huge benefits to encouraging a love of reading from an early age; reading lays the foundations for a future of academic success and emotional intelligence. Here are a few ways our little ones benefit from it:
📚 The Dance of the Synapses:
We see: a child engrossed in a colourful storybook, eyes wide, faces smiling. Behind the scenes: their brain is performing a dazzling dance of synapses. According to scientists, children who read books have amazing neural pathways because reading sparks connections, setting the stage for a lifetime of learning.
🎓 School Prep:
We know that children who develop a love for reading early on have the ability to breeze through school with confidence. Reading for pleasure is like a secret weapon, it equips our tiny humans with vocabulary skills that can help to make their school journey a smooth one. Studies show that kids who cozy up with books often outperform their non-reading pals in various subjects.
🌈 The Colours of Empathy:
In early education, teachers believe in nurturing not just intellect but also hearts: reading stories about characters from different walks of life allows our kids to think about families and situations different to theirs… This encourages empathy, which helps to make our little learners compassionate leaders of tomorrow.
📈 You like stats:
According to the wizards of research, children who read for pleasure every day perform better in their academic tests. Reading is like a growth spell for their minds, boosting vocabulary, comprehension, and even mathematical skills. So, if you want your child to soar academically, just hand them a book!
🚀 A Launchpad to Lifelong Learning:
Reading ignites curiosity, fuels imagination, and turns each child into a fearless explorer of knowledge. It’s not just about letters on a page; it’s about ideas, dreams, and the infinite possibilities that unfold with every turn.
In short, reading is a wonderful magical gift! One that we should all encourage more of! And as I type that, I don’t just means, read more of may books… Other books are available! 😉 But obvs, you should definitely get my books for your tiny humans to read!! Don’t forget to let me know what they think about them!
As World Book Day is fast approaching, let’s delve into the significance of reading at Key Stage 1, and talk about the benefits of author visits in schools. We know that the impact goes beyond the pages of a book, providing a valuable boost to encourage children to read.
The Importance of Book Reading at KS1
If you’re a primary school teacher reading this blog post, you already know that reading is a fundamental skill, that lays the foundation for academic success and lifelong learning. At KS1, children are in a crucial stage of development, where literacy skills are rapidly evolving. Book reading plays a pivotal role in honing language proficiency, expanding vocabulary, and fostering comprehension skills. I cannot tell you the number of times I’ve heard teachers say, if you just do one thing, read!
The question is, how can we maximise the impact of reading in the early years? One effective strategy is to introduce students to real-life authors through school visits. And by authors, I mean me!
Author Visits: A Practical Approach
The presence of an author in the school setting adds a practical dimension to the learning experience. Instead of just encountering words on a page, pupils have the opportunity to engage with the creator of those words. This interaction can demystify the writing process and make literature more relatable for young minds. When I read in schools it’s such a joy to hear children tell me about the stories they write, or want to write, after a book reading!
Authors can bring a unique perspective to storytelling, offering insights into their creative process and the inspiration behind their works. This firsthand exposure can really enhance a child’s appreciation for literature. And provides them with the idea that writing can be a career choice.
Boosting Engagement on World Book Day
World Book Day presents an ideal occasion to organise author visits. It’s not just about dressing up as favourite characters (which is a lot of fun!), but it’s an opportunity to connect with the individuals behind the stories. An author’s visit on this day can serve as a catalyst for increased interest in reading, making the celebration more meaningful for students.
The impact of author visits on reading engagement at KS1 is definitely something to think about! These visits provide a practical and relatable dimension to the world of literature, fostering a deeper connection between students and the written word. A visit from an author can contribute significantly to the development of a generation of enthusiastic and lifelong readers.
So! Why not book a visit from an author today – preferably me! We’re talking about booking me here right?! Good we’re on the same page!
that if little girls weren't encouraged to make themselves quiet and small by society, and if their confidence levels were encouraged, maybe it would help bring about greater equality.
So raising the self esteem of our daughters sounds like a great place to start building their confidence...
So here are 5 ways to boost esteem in girls:
1. Don't raise her to be a people pleaser
We need to encourage girls to stand up, have a voice, & make their own choices. And yes, I fully appreciate this might add time to choosing: a bedtime story / what to wear / what game to play etc in their younger years. But confident assertive girls don't become so at the age of 18 as they leave home; so we have to get used to confident assertive toddlers / tweens / teens. 😳 I know! When Thea speaks my words back to me (Don't wear that hon. My body my choice mum) I have to take a deep breath, & remind myself that I'm helping her to have a voice!
2. Encourage team sports
There's a common correlation between girls who play team sports and levels of esteem. It's thought this is because girls are more likely to look to each other for value, rather than to boys for external validation. During games they also raise each other up based on actions rather than looks.
3. Praise actions & outcomes rather than appearance
It's so easy to say, what a pretty dress, what a pretty girl. And there's nothing wrong with complimenting anyone on these sorts of things. I compliment women in the street all the time: I love your dress! Where did you get it? But let's challenge ourselves to match any appearance based praise with one if not two positive comments on something non-appearance based.
4. Model body neutrality
Mums have a massive impact on their daughter's body image. Avoid asking questions like, do I look fat in this. I can't eat that I've been bad & eaten too much sugar already today. Kids absorb everything we say & do. This also is in effect when we talk about other women's appearances, negatively or positively. So the aim is to follow praise for appearance with praise for something else. Small changes like these can make big differences. Not everybody in the outside world will be sending these same positive messages, so it's good if we try to be a voice for change at home.
5. Get the men on board!
Ask dad or the other men in her life, to join in with trying to raise her up not tear her down. Ask them not to treat her as fragile or helpless; don't infer that they are damsels in distress who need a man to swoop in and rescue them! Ask them to encourage her to join in. With sports, with DIY etc. Ask them if they've ever thought about this, because chances are they won't have; most of us don't question the status quo.
What else can we do to build self confidence in our girls, so they grow up to be confident empowered young women? Let me know what you think.
Let me tell you about book readings. As a children’s author they are SO important. They allow me to actually talk to the tiny humans for whom I write.
And for the children, research (from the Society of Authors) has shown that 99.4% of schools who host an author visit said it was an invaluable experience that encouraged reading for pleasure, wider reading and creative writing.
So as a primary school teacher, how can you you book me for a school reading?
Very simply, please email me or fill in the contact form here
But if you’re wondering about how it all works, here’s a bit more info for you:
What will it cost?
For the majority of London postcodes the fee for a 2 hour visit (which allows for up to 3 readings, each lasting 30-40 minutes) is £175.
For schools which are further than 1 hour travel time from SE22, additional fees will apply.
Which school years would enjoy your books?
Reception and years 1 and 2 will enjoy all 3 rhyming story books.
Years 3 and 4 also, who will will enjoy discussions about equality and wellbeing.
What are the books about?
The Queen Engineer has a strong STEM element, and a female lead character, which works well with science (e.g. engineering, problem solving), design and technology (e.g. discussing how levers and forces work), as well as PSHE discussions about for example, resilience and perseverance, or knowing right from wrong.
How Frank Helped Hankcan facilitate discussions about feelings during transition periods, or anxiety around benchmarking or SATs times, or for the All About Me topic. It strongly promotes the importance of talking, for mental wellbeing during Children’s Mental Health Week and Mental Health Awareness Week.
She’s Not Good for a Girl, She’s Just Good!supports personal development along with acceptance of one another’s talents and skills. It’s great for June and July to discuss feelings around competition or the pressure associated with Sports Day.
So calling all key stage 1 and 2 teachers, and nursery teachers, and well all primary school teachers! If you’d like to book in for an author reading of any of our current books, please do get in touch.
“We can’t wait to have Suzanne back to read us her next book!”
Today, October 6th, is National Poetry Day. So I’m celebrating by posting a never seen before rhyme that I wrote way back, when I was just starting out on my writing journey. When I knew that I wanted to tackle the issues of inequality facing our children. Could I make a difference writing stories that taught kids they could do and be anything?
This one didn’t make it to a rewrite into an actual story book. I received some feedback on if, that it might be a little outdated; that television shows like The Great British Bakeoff had shown boys and men it was cool to be bakers. So I rather lost my nerve and didn’t pursue this one…
It’s been sat in a Dropbox folder for 6 years! But I think the message is still relevant. There will still be many young boys who are told they can’t do something because it’s traditionally seen as ‘for girls’. I hear it in toy shops, still to this day: put that back it’s for girls. So it felt like it was worth dragging it out the Dropbox, and sharing with you all today. Let me know what you think of The Boy Who Baked Cakes in the comments below.
The Boy Who Baked Cakes
There once was a boy, who was lacking in joy,
as he did not know what to do.
See though he liked planes and riding on trains,
he rather liked baking cakes too.
There was naught he loved more, in fact he adored,
creating a scrumptious sweet.
He could spend half an hour, just sifting the flour,
to create the perfect treat.
Now there’s someone at school, a bit of a fool,
Who said, “boys shouldn’t be baking!”
“Why not?” the boy cried, “shouldn’t I bake with pride?
It’s an art form, make no mistaking!”
Then that someone from school, urgh what a fool,
simply just wouldn’t back down.
To the sports pitch he ran, oh what was his plan?
He was jumping around like a clown.
“Listen to me!” the fool cried with glee,
“There’s a chap here who says he can bake.
He says he likes planes, and riding on trains,
But baking? That’s a mistake!”
The boy hung his head, his face turned bright red,
the fool was being quite cruel.
What was so wrong? He’d thought all life long,
that baking cakes was quite cool.
The boy turned to leave, feeling aggrieved,
but was suddenly stopped in his tracks,
when cried out a girl, with a head full of curls,
“Ignore him and just face the facts!”
“So you like to bake, that’s not a mistake,
it’s something that makes your heart sing.
I spoke to my mum, ‘bout what to become,
She said ‘you can do anything!’
What makes you smile, just think for a while,
if this is what you enjoy:
you bake with great ease; you should do as you please,
so what if you are a boy?”
The boy stopped and smiled, and he thought for a while,
Man up. What does ‘man up’ even mean anyway? Be more like a man? Are men creatures who don’t get upset? Don’t feel? Don’t want to have a good cry sometimes?
Remember at the start of Love, Actually when Liam Neeson’s character is crying a lot , because his wife had died. And Emma Thompson’s character says to him: Get a grip, people hate sissies. No-one’s ever going to shag you if you cry all the time. Remember that?
Love Actually came out in 2003; time when I admit I viewed the world very differently to how I do today. Then I would definitely have told my male friends to ‘man up’ or not to ‘cry like a girl’. I had no idea of the cumulative impact phrases like this have on men and boys. No idea about the horrendous male suicide rates (75 per week according to ONS figures for 2020). But that line in the film stood out because I think even then I thought, bit harsh, he’s just lost his wife. But we all laughed anyway.
I wonder if that film would be in any way different, if it was made today? I wonder if Emma Thompson would give Liam a copy of our book, How Frank Helped Hank, and say, “Let it out, have a cry, don’t keep it inside, It will help you feel better, you’ll see.” I wrote about an Instagram post by Scarlett Curtis a while back saying that Martine McCutcheon never was, isn’t now, never has been fat, as the character of Natalie was repeatedly referred to in the movie. Again I wonder if that would be any different if made today? I digress. In short, let’s stop saying ‘man up’ shall we? We want our boys to grow up to become men who aren’t afraid to have feelings and share them, rather than bottle it all up like a ‘real man’ would.
Some time ago I came across the Instagram account of Karen Dobres, a director at Lewes FC. In 2017, Lewes became the FIRST professional or semi-professional club in the world to start treating its women footballers the same as its men – the same playing budgets, same pitch, same training facilities. And after just 2 seasons they had quadrupled the women’s gate figures! I wanted to know about this club, about Karen, and so I asked her to write a guest blog post. Grab a cuppa, and have a read: this is a great story (and not just because we learn that women were actually banned from playing football by the FA back in 1921! And mostly likely because women’s games drew greater crowds than the mens!). And do check out the links at the end where you can find out how to become an owner, because Lewes FC is 100% fan-owned and not-for-profit, using the power of football to create social change.
‘Thea Chops Books believes in sharing messages of equality and acceptance, and teaching our little ones that they can be whoever they want in life.’
Suzanne Hemming, Author, Thea Chops Books
Why has Suzanne asked me to write a blog post here about football?
What has football to do with self-acceptance and freedom from stereotyping? What has it to do with your children’s’ futures? And isn’t it one of the last places you’d look for equality and acceptance…?
Why Football?
Let me explain, with two examples from my own kids (boy, now 19; girl, now 23).
In 2017 three things happened in close succession.
1) My daughter passed her driving test, and took her younger brother out for a spin. Loudly and persistently catcalled by two white van men (‘Hey sexy, where you going? etc) she didn’t react at all, so used to it was she at just 18. He though – just 14 and a boy – was flabbergasted. Not only that they had shouted at his sister unprovoked just for existing as a woman, but because she hadn’t batted an eyelid. Now of course at 19 he understands that not only is this behaviour normal, but he must also look out for girlfriends’ and their drinks in nightclubs in case they are spiked, or worse.
2) My daughter and her friends would chat with me around the kitchen table about politics, social issues, and their lives, but seemed to morph into different beings over on Instagram. On that public platform they’d pose in nightclub toilets above captions like ‘Yeah’ and ‘chillin’’. All perfectly fine, but where on earth was the rest of them in public? The thoughts and reflections, the determinations they shared, the substance.
3) My local football club became the first in the world to pay their women footballers the same as their men and made international headlines for our small town. And I didn’t even know women played football.
Don’t judge though.
Unwelcome Women
You see, all my life footballers had been men – on the telly, on the back pages of newspapers, in jacuzzis with WAGS. Football was by men, was consumed by men, and featured men – women were decorations on footballer’s arms. And I’d been to just the one match (Brentford – my cousin played for them), felt threatened by loutish male fans, decided it wasn’t for me, and dropped it from my radar.
Looking back, I’d been meant to feel that way. At school in the 70s we girls weren’t allowed to play football. Only the boys would play – taking up the whole playground at break times to do it – and leaving us girls to jump rope or play hopscotch round the edges.
Following Lewes’ ground-breaking decision, I went down the road to The Dripping Pan to watch Lewes FC Women play and had an epiphany. These young women – strong, powerful, decisive, assertive, and working in a team, right here on a public platform – were the antidote to sexist conditioning that saw women and girls as decorations, and as lesser than boys and men.
The problem was that following this football club’s bold move to split playing budgets down the middle, critics (male ones) were saying the women didn’t deserve to be paid the same because they didn’t draw the same crowds. This was true – at that point Lewes FC Men got an average gate of around 450 and the women just 120.
However, the club responded by targeting and welcoming ‘unwelcome women’, like myself, to the game. But, as I was to learn, it’s truer to say BACK to the game.
Lewes FC Defender Ellie Hack
The Ban
I discovered that women were in fact banned from playing football in this country back in 1921, at a point when they were drawing crowds greater than men could muster. So the FA decided – in a 15 minute meeting – that it was ‘a sport quite unsuitable for women’ and could harm them gynaecologically were they continued to kick a ball and run around a pitch.
Knowing what I know now, as a director of the club, and working with footballers, it hurts and angers me even to write this ‘herstory’. But it drives me too. Because football with 3.6 billion fans (mostly men) around the globe is the world’s most popular sport, and a microcosm of our wider patriarchal society. What happens in football has a huge impact on the actual world. Why? Because it affects men’s heart and minds like nothing else. Think of the men in your life who are fans of the game: how much time and thought do they devote to it? How much passion do they have for it? So where is the best place to demonstrate and have a conversation about the power of gender equality with those who can really do something about it (ie, men)? That’s right, it’s the beautiful game.
Former Lewes FC player Georgia Bridges at The Dripping Pan
Fans Of Change
It took two seasons to quadruple the women’s gate figure by actually letting people know about women’s matches and what they could expect at them. By 2019 the women’s gate had quadrupled and the men’s had risen too, thanks to the boldness and buzz of ‘Equality FC’. There were clever match day posters designed to interest unwelcome women, and themes and campaigns to attract them in solidarity with our cause (Prosecco on tap, and world record for how many suffragettes at a football match anyone?). Both first teams were promoted the season after the introduction of ‘Equality FC’, and the men’s gate rose too. The media attention was overwhelming and remains high to this day.
As sexism and corruption are the wallpaper of football (there are too many examples to mention here but try the location and quality of pitches, TV exposure, pay, resources, medical care, newspaper inches, cup prize figures for starters) our club is streets ahead of others in terms of the way we treat our players, fans and owners.
The agenda of Lewes FC is set by its ownership model. We’re a not-for-profit community benefit society, and as such we use football as a vehicle for social change. We are NOT about making profits for private shareholders, instead we aim to create value for the community who own us. Hence the social campaigning.
L to R Ollie Tanner, Razzaq Coleman De-Graft, Joe Taylor
Call Him Out
The latest step in our gender equality work is our campaign to #CallHimOut.
Because the other side of female empowerment is, of course, the fight against toxic masculinity.
Having formed a ‘SisterShips’ network with like-minded groups empowering women and girls, we were struck as a club, by the outpouring of grief and anger following last year’s high profile spate of violence against women and girls. Our SisterShips were upset at the way women were effectively being made to take responsibility for the violence against them when the onus should be on the perps – who were men.
So, having strong male role models in Lewes FC Men, we discussed what the team as male allies could do. Our amazing male players decided to call out misogynistic language and behaviours in themselves and in their changing room, in the belief that these micro-aggressions could fuel a wider rape culture. They made public pledges on twitter to #CallHimOut, and are now working on the movement through dialogue and awareness training. They aim to mentor our under 18s boys team next.
Inequality is SOOO Last Season
As we welcome more girls and women to our historic ground, ‘The Dripping Pan’, as we tell our story to schools, colleges, journalists and business conferences, so we loosen society’s restrictions a little more. As more girls realise they have a bona fide choice between ballet shoes and football boots, so do boys. As more girls learn the leadership skills football has to offer, so boys learn that they don’t always have to be the strong ones – they can relax, be vulnerable, cry when they need to. As we pay and resource men and women the same in football, so we tell the world, and all our children – it really is ok to be you.
As many of you will already know, over the last couple of months we've been busy crowdfunding, to raise £5,000 so we can gift 1,000 copies of our latest book, How Frank Helped Hank, to UK primary schools.
I almost can't belive I get to type this, but we did it! We raised over £5,000 via Boys Cry Too: Let's Change the Message. And this means we can now gift those 1,000 copies of our award-winning book, to key stage one classrooms, around the UK. And change the messages that children receive. Because it's ok not to be ok. It's ok for boys to cry too. And the best first step to feeling better is to talk about it.
If you're a primary school reading this, and you haven't emailed us yet then please do ASAP and let us know if you'd like a copy.
This article was first published in Motherdom Magazine in December 2019.
I’m currently writing my third book, and tackling the subject of toxic masculinity, in illustrated rhyme, for kids aged 3-8. I like a challenge!
But why am I writing about such a big subject for children?
I didn’t really plan to write about toxic masculinity, though I had started to read more about it and become more aware of what an issue it is. And then one day, my daughter and I visited a butterfly house at a local museum. It was beautiful. And hot! Butterfly houses are always hot! But the butterflies themselves were an amazing array of colours, and my daughter loved watching them flutter about the room. Quite magical really.
And then we of course, exited through the gift shop, as one must do leaving a museum of any kind! The shop attached to the butterfly house was, as you’d expect, filled with butterfly-themed toys, games and books. We stood and looked at the shelves of gifts, and next to us stood a small group; two children, a boy and a girl, and I think their mum. While the girl flicked through a book about flowers, the young boy, perhaps aged about 4 or 5, picked up a wand. A beautiful, sparkling, glittering wand that had a shiny lilac butterfly where the star would normally be. He looked up, his face filled with so much excitement that it made me smile watching him, and asked if he could have it. And the mum, snatched it from his hands and said, “What d’you want that for? That’s a bit girly! Why d’you want a girl’s toy?” And she laughed.
This is toxic masculinity. The assumption that boys should behave in a ‘masculine’ way. That behaving like girls, is a bad thing; liking something traditionally thought of as ‘for girls’ is a bad thing; a thing to be mocked.
There is a very set idea, in society, of what it is to be a man: behaving in a certain way, talking in a certain way, hobbies, jobs, colour preferences, the list goes on. Not conforming to these masculine standards can often lead to men being called ‘girly’, or worse. It can lead to bullying, in the playground or in the pub, and can mean that men suppress their true likes and dislikes, in favour of being thought of as “manly”. And so engrained is this idea in society, that we all buy into it, and we’ve all been guilty of thinking that way. Who hasn’t joked with a partner, brother, or friend that they squealed like a girl, ran like a girl, threw like a girl? I’ve definitely done it.
But if we stop and think about the messages these phrases send, to both boys and girls, it does not make make for pretty reading. By the age of six, children associate intelligence with being male, and the importance of ‘niceness’ with being female. It impacts on the gender pay gap, as fewer girls seek jobs in STEM. The more we tell boys to stop behaving like girls, the more likely it is that they will view girls as beneath them, and that the girls will see being female as somehow ‘less than’. This can have implications that lead to higher self harm rates amongst young woman, or contribute to abusive behaviour within male/female relationships.
I think about that little boy, and tell that story when I do book readings in schools. I talk to the children about how that little boy may have felt being belittled by his mum. How the little girl may have felt being told something she might like isn’t good enough for her younger brother. What do children internalise when they hear these messages? Will that little boy ever share what he likes again with the adults in his life? Will he be honest with them, with himself? Will his embarrassment turn to anger and will he go on to mock another child’s preferences? Will that little girl think she is less than her brother? Will her self esteem drop? Will her confidence in her skills or her choices lessen?
Will they be happy?
And that’s why I’m writing my third book, tackling toxic masculinity in illustrated rhyme for kids, boys, and girls, aged 3-8. Because every child deserves the chance to be happy in life. We all do! Being ourselves, doing what we feel is right for us, regardless of what society thinks (about what colour we like, what job we do, whether we stay at home with our children or go back to work, bottle, breast, medical birth, or home birth…. Another list that goes on!), this is the best way to achieve balance and happiness. If doing what feels right is in part important for adult mental wellbeing, then it’s true for kids too.
How Frank Helped Hank was published on 13th October 2020
If you’ve reached this page I imagine you’re as keen as I am for our children to grow up in a more equal society? It can feel like turning an oil tanker around sometimes though can’t it? Promoting gender equality? Makes me think of amazing women like the suffragists and suffragettes. Of Gloria Steinham, Shirley Chisholm and Kamala Harris. If you’re anything like me at this point I start wondering, err I can’t be like them! But there are small things we can do and small changes we can make. So if you’re looking for some quick ways to promote gender equality at home, I’m going to write a series of short blog posts with some of these easy things that we can all do.
First up, don’t always say:
Give it to Daddy, Daddy will fix it
I’m so guilty of this one!! Mostly because usually in the moment I was asked, the toy in question was making too much noise; and I couldn’t be bothered to change the batteries and fix it! I realised though that I was showing Thea that only men know how to fix things! I needed to show her that women can fix things too, even if it meant that annoying plastic remote control would keep singing at me!
This desire to have a go, lead me to fix the boiler one evening when Rich was away with work. I mean true, he wasn’t actually there so what was I gonna do?! But I watched You Tube and I sorted it myself, and got the heating back on. Hurrah!
So if you’re in a male / female household, try to catch yourself from always getting daddy to fix it! #womencan
For easy ways to show boys and girls that girls can do ‘men’s jobs’ why not read them our book, The Queen Engineer, in which a princess wants to become and engineer when she grows up, much to the horror of her father, the king!
In a previous post, I wrote about how Toxic Masculinity is damaging to boys and men. And I mentioned that it can be equally damaging for girls and women. And here’s why:
If you tell a boy that he does something ‘like a girl’ for example cry / throw / run etc, and are using the saying to stop him from doing it that way, or to mock him, both the boy in question, and any boys or girls within earshot, internalise the idea that doing something ‘like a girl’ is bad.
To the girls internalising this message, they unconsciously take on board the idea that to be a girl is less than, that they are the other sex, second in line to boys. For the boys who hear it, they too internalise the idea that girls are less than they are. Not much room for men and women to view and treat each other as equals if they grow up with this unconscious bias.
And what if a boy enjoys doing something, like many girls are known to do? Play with dolls, wear pink, dance? Tell this boy often enough that he has to stop being like a girl, and at best, he will hide his true feelings, his likes and dislikes from you. He may deliberately act in a more ‘boyish’ way to further hide his preferences for toys or favourite colours, and internalise any shame he feels for liking something you’ve made fun of. At worst. this shame might lead him to mock other boys, or to take out his frustrations on girls, people who he sees being able to make the choices he can’t. Shame him enough and he might never show his feelings again, or choose to hide them with aggression to prove how ‘manly’ he is, which can only have a negative impact on the women in his life, be that a sister, friend or partner.
So while toxic masculinity is damaging to boys and men, it’s pretty rubbish for girls and women too. No one wins.
Not much room for men and women to view and treat each other as equals if they grow up with this unconscious bias.
Saturday 7th November was such an historic day as for the first time in over 200 years of US politics, a woman became the Vice President-Elect. Senator Kamala Harris will become the 49th VP since the office came into existence in 1789. And this is not just historic due to her being female, but also because she is a woman of colour; her father was Jamaican and her mother Indian, and it stops a pattern in the history of VPs:
How striking is that graphic. What a moment in history. What an achievement! She was a District Attorney in San Fransisco, The Attorney General of California, elected to the US Senate in 2017 and will enter the White House in January 2020 with President-Elect Joe Biden. So I was a bit surprised this week when I was scrolling through Twitter and saw this headline from The Telegraph Newspaper:
“Why Kamala Harris is the modern beauty icon the world needs.”
This stopped me scrolling, as I sighed that her ‘war paint’ was the thing they wanted to focus on: Kamala Harris as a beauty icon. And it’s left me feeling all… bleurgh, about my feminism!
Feminism is the advocacy of women’s rights on the grounds of the equality of the sexes. It is the belief in full social, economic, and political equality for women. And it leads me to believe that women therefore have agency over their choices. The choice to wear makeup, or not, is therefore the choice of the individual. As is the choice to read about the makeup regime of another woman, and thus the choice to write about it. But VP-Elect Harris is not a beauty expert, a makeup artist, a model; she’s a politican who’s been elected to the second highest office in the United States. So to write about her as a beauty icon, it just feels… well, bleurgh, again!
I did some googling while writing this post btw, and found another Telegraph headline: “The secret formula behind Kamala Harris’s winning politician hair.” Politician hair. Winning, politician hair…
Anyway…! So now I’m left with this feeling of conflict: I’ve since read a couple of pieces about why it’s not sexist to have written about Harris’s makeup. That the beauty and fashion industry, and the writers and journalists who write about it, are predominantly female, and that to suggest their work is misogynistic, is in itself a misogynistic act. Which, ooo, makes me start to feel all bleurgh again. I don’t want to be a misogynist!
For me, in trying to unpack these conflicted feelings, I’m leaning towards: why did they choose to focus on that, of all the things they could have talked about? It doesn’t sit comfortably with me. Now, people also talked about Kamala Harris’s choice of a white pant suit for her speech on Saturday night. And this I don’t mind so much, and here’s why: it was a nod to the white outfits worn by the women of the original suffrage movement. Paying tribute to those women who fought then, to allow this to happen now.
So talk about her outfit: good. Talk about her makeup: bad? A bit tricky eh? And one of the reasons why I think of myself as a feminist in progress, a term I first heard the wonderful human being that is Jameela Jamil use. I don’t profess to be an expert, I’m learning and self correcting all the time. I want to be able to have the confidence to say, you have a point, I’ll take that on board or, I think you’re right. But on this one, I don’t think it was a good call to lead with a headline about beauty, on the night the first ever woman was declared Vice President Elect of the United States of America. That pant suit was on point though.
Our new book, How Frank Helped Hank, tackles the subject of toxic masculinity. But what is toxic masculinity?
It’s a term used to describe the societal expectations placed on boys and men, that can have a damaging affect on them, and as a consequence, on women. It’s the outdated idea that there are traditional male gender roles, that men, strong men, manly men, winners, must behave in a certain way. That being seen to be this strong, manly type of man, is the most desirable way to be. So from a young age we tell our boys to ‘man up’. We tell them, ‘don’t cry like a girl’. We belittle them if they ‘throw like a girl’ or ‘run like a girl’. We throw around the word ‘girl’ (or other more sweary variations of the word!) as a derogatory term, intended to make fun of the boy or man on the receiving end. But why is this damaging?
In the simplest of ways it’s just bizarre in 2020 that we expect people to behave in a certain way, and not just allow them to be themselves. But there is a more serious reason.
In the UK, one of the biggest causes of death for men under the age of 45, is suicide. On the home page of their website, CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) states that every week in the UK, 125 people take their own life, and that 75% of all UK suicides, are male. These numbers are shockingly high; I was astounded, and so saddened when I first read about them. And I wondered why it is that boys and men are more vulnerable to this.
The CALM website lists 3 societal pressures that boys and men live under, which likely contribute to this:
They feel a pressure to be a winner and can more easily feel like the opposite.
They feel a pressure to look strong and feel ashamed of showing any signs of [perceived] weakness.
They feel a pressure to appear in control of themselves and their lives at all times.
It’s not a massive leap to understand that a childhood of being told to man up, and not cry like a girl, negatively impacts on a man’s ability to access and express his emotions, and seek help.
Blimey Suze this is all a bit heavy for a kids’ book isn’t it? We can think that, or we can start to change the messages that boys receive so they are not embarrassed to ask for help when they need it. And also, y’know, so they don’t grow up to be macho dicks with gigantic egos and a total lack of empathy for their fellow humans!
So if toxic masculinity is damaging for our boys, why and how does it negatively impact on our girls? More on that in our next blog post: Why Toxic Masculinity Hurts Women Too.
If you're using this day and the surrounding week to discuss mental welling with your pupils, we're sure you'll agree that books are a great way to start these conversations in the classroom (and at home!).
There are so many wonderful books by brilliant authors that talk about mental health in a very age appropriate way. But it won't come as any surprise that we would recommend our most recent book How Frank Helped Hank.
The key message is the importance of talking about how we feel, and not bottling up and battling on. It models the ELG of showing sensitivity to both one's own and other's needs. While giving children (& adults!) permission to cry without fear of mockery, thus supporting their mental health.
Frank's dad Hank, doesn't think boys should cry
This is a great moment to say, "oh I'm not sure I agree with that do you? What do you think? Is it okay to cry if you feel sad or hurt?" Asking if they can think of any reasons why Hank would think this, is a great segue in the next section of book where learn a little more about Hank's childhood.
Hank tells Frank he shouldn't like "girls' things"
All people should be allowed to live unapologetically as their true selves! One of the lines in the book is "for good mental health you should just be yourself". This is also a great opportunity to debunk the idea that there are toys for girls and toys for boys! Why shouldn't Frank choose a sparkly wand?!
Frank encourages his dad to show his feelings
This part of the story is a great time to talk about not keeping our feelings bottled up inside. Frank knows that letting it out and having a good cry is a great way to feel better. I also love that it's the child who is caring for and teaching the parent here. Kids will love that too! We an all help each out when we're sad!
If you're talking to your pupils this week about mental wellbeing, we'd love to hear about how you used How Frank Helped Hank, to support your teaching. Please leave a comment below, or come and find us on Instagram, Facebook and Threads.
We're @theachopsbooks on all platforms.
Thea Chops Books
You can also buy How Frank Helped Hank on Amazon and via Peter's
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