Sometimes, people ask me why I wrote How Frank Helped Hank.
And the simple answer was I learned about toxic masculinity and the negative effect is has on boys and men.
But in researching the subject, I also learned about the negative effect it has on women.
Toxic masculinity doesn’t just harm men—its impact on women is equally damaging. When boys are told not to “act like girls” by showing their emotions, or engaging in certain activities (for example boy who love to dance, or play with dolls), the underlying message for girls is that being feminine is lesser.
These subtle reinforcements and they are of course subtle – generally in life we are shaped by many many micro moments – shape how girls view themselves from a young age. Often for young girls, internalising the idea that femininity is weak or undesirable, can lead to feelings of inadequacy, pushing pushing to question their worth, especially in male-dominated spaces. This continues throughout the teenage years and into womanhood, until we almost believe it ourselves that we are less than.
And as girls grow into women, the effects become more pronounced.
Women may avoid leadership roles or downplay their achievements in fear of being seen as overly aggressive or unfeminine. Relationships, too, are affected, as women may feel their emotional needs are devalued or dismissed, leading to an unhealthy imbalance where they aren’t taken seriously. The ripple effect of toxic masculinity impacts gender dynamics at every level, making it harder for men and women to relate as equals.
Both genders suffer, but often people assume that toxic masculinity only affects men.
But the impact on women is equally damaging and the cost is often in their emotional well-being and self-worth.
I wrote How Frank Helped Hank thinking it would be a book for little boys, but realised just like my other books, it’s a book for all children, regardless of their gender.
I’d love to know your thoughts.
Suze
