She’s a Girl with a Fishtail​
Opinion

She’s a Girl with a Fishtail​

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Disney, as we know, are in the process of remaking some of their much loved animated classics, as live action movies. The latest film to go through the magic remake machine is The Little Mermaid, which was released in all its underwater technicolour glory back in 1989. 

The live action version is causing a bit of a stir on the old interweb / Twittersphere because, gasp, the actor cast to play Ariel is Halle Bailey, who shock horror, doesn’t have flaming red hair! Actually what they seem really cross about is that she isn’t white *inserts face palm emoji here. In fact, it didn’t take long before the hashtag #notmyariel started trending on Twitter. People were very cross about it, and we have to ask why?  We know that representation matters; you can’t be it if you can’t see it. It’s really that simple. All children need to see themselves reflected in the books they read, and the movies they watch. It shows them that they can take up space in the world; that they are part of it, that they add value to it.  All children, of all races, need to see all children, of all races, so they grow up knowing that everyone has an equal place on earth. 

So why oh why are people getting so angry about this casting? I even read that people are trying to use science to prove that mermaids can only be white. Seriously, there was a discussion about how little melanin (the pigment that determines the colour of our skin and is responsible for tanning) would be present in a mermaid’s body, given that they live so far under the water, for so much of the time. 

Let’s stop and think about that for a minute. Taking time out of a busy day, pushing matters relating to say climate change, a lack of school funding, the damaging effects of toxic masculinity on the 84 men a week who take their own lives, to ponder, mermaid science. So, shall we say it once more, for the people at the back:

mermaids aren’t real! 

They are mythical creatures. She’s a girl with a fish tail.  Who breathes both under and out of water. Whose makeup never runs and whose hair looks freakin amazing all the time… Their minds are gonna be blown when they realise the crab can sing. 

Change the message
Equality Issues · Opinion

Change the message

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In 2016 a deputy principal in a New Zealand school, called a group of 15 and 16 year old girls into a meeting, and requested that their school skirts are worn no shorter than knee level.

On the face of it, this isn’t a particularly unusual request: there are dress codes that we follow all over the world every day. You wouldn’t wear white to a wedding, or a bikini to a baptism. But it wasn’t a simple school dress code alone that prompted this request. The reason given was to

“keep our girls safe, stop boys from getting ideas and create a good work environment for male staff.”

Parents and commentators were, quite rightly, outraged by this reasoning. It clearly sends the message to young women that they and they alone are responsible for boys “getting ideas”. That their choice of clothing is what will create a good working environment for the male staff (presumably meaning they will be less distracted?). And that if they don’t wear a skirt of the appropriate length, they will not be safe. That last one is really creepy because it’s almost a threat: short skirt? Expect the worst.

None of this reasoning puts any of the responsibility at all onto the young men or the male teachers. It, in fact, teaches boys that their actions are caused by girls, thus rendering them blameless. It’s effectively allowing them off the hook and teaching them that they won’t be held accountable.

But it’s also teaching them that girls are only there to be looked at, to be a distraction. That they are an ornament, something to gaze upon and be beguiled by. It’s teaching the boys this, but it’s teaching the girls it too.

A report published last year by The Children’s Society found that almost a quarter of 14-year-old girls have self-harmed (the term “self-harming” was used to describe a wide range of behaviours, including drug and alcohol abuse, as well as physical self-harming). The Girlguiding Girls’ Attitudes survey found that 71% of 11-21 year-olds would like to lose weight, with 52% saying they have been on a diet, and 38% admitting to having sometimes skipped meals to try and drop the pounds.

Let’s change the messages that both our boys and girls receive. BOYs you are responsible for your actions: if a glimpse of leg or shoulder is distracting, look away. GIRLs you are not only alive to be attractive to men: your body is an instrument not an ornament.

We would never tell a group of schoolboys that they can’t wear shorts as it’s distracting to the female teachers. It sounds absurd just reading that, doesn’t it? So let’s change the messages. Let’s try and create a more equal society for our girls and our boys.

Have you got her back?
Opinion

Have you got her back?

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3 minute read

Did anyone see Love Island this week? Two new girls entered the villa and the existing girls started baying for blood as they watched some of the boys interact with them. It made for unpleasant viewing, watching immature eye-rolling behaviour and listening to the childish heckles of a group of young women, wracked with envy and unsure what to do with their feelings. It was directed mainly at one of the newcomers who put on a brave face and played up to it, but also admitted that it was getting to her. It was uncomfortable to watch and made me want to shout at them all to support each other on what is undoubtedly an experience that will screw with their heads.

Madeleine Albright, the first female Secretary of State, famously said,

“there’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other.”

She was introducing Hillary Clinton who was then campaigning to become the first female Democratic nominee. It wasn’t the first time Albright had used the phrase, and after that rally, she went on to say “In a society where women often feel pressured to tear one another down, our saving grace lies in our willingness to lift one another up.”

I was reminded of Albright’s quote as I watched a group of young women act childishly, and meanly, clearly feeling threatened by the presence of another. Why would they do this?

I think it’s because, for centuries, a women’s value was based on two things: her attractiveness and thus her ability to find a husband and provide (male) heirs. Women had no other reason to exist in society, save to look pretty and keep a man happy.

In 1792, Mary Wollstonecraft wrote in A Vindication of the Rights of Woman, that this emphasis on marriage and aesthetic upkeep, causes women to become cruel under their calm exteriors, as they’re placed in a perpetual state of competition with one another. At the time, once married, men and women were legally considered to be one person, a woman having no separate legal rights from her husband. With so few rights and little to no education, the chance for economic survival outside of the marriage was non-existent. Wollstonecraft argued that the fear of being replaced (by a younger, more desirable model, one considered more likely to birth sons) led women to become sneaky and deceitful towards men, in an attempt to hold onto them, and limited the possibility of forming caring bonds with other women.

So for decade after decade, young women have learned that competition in the shape of another female is bad and requires sneaky tactics to be fought against. In 2019 women may have gained equal rights in the eyes of the law, but centuries of heavily engrained beliefs mean we still place so much of a woman’s value on her physical appearance, and thus ability to snare a man.

The ladies of Love Island tapped into those heavily engrained beliefs this week as they attacked their potential replacements. If the next generation is taught more about being each other’s equals, and learn to value each other for more than just their appearance, perhaps Love Island in 2035 will be a show where you can get all the feels watching people fall in love, but less discomfort watching women tear each other down.

World Book Day 2019
Company News

World Book Day 2019

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This year World Book Day is on Thursday 7th March. Now there aren’t many of us who would challenge how important books and reading are for children! But I know lots of parents probably think of it as a day when they have to spend money on a random dress up outfit; that won’t fit in a year’s time. In fact the wonderful Scummy Mummies once called it, World Amazon Prime Day! I imagine Jeff does do rather well in the week leading up to WBD as parents across the land (well, globe) scramble to get that prime order in at the last minute!

In fact, WBD is a wonderful charity with a mission to to ensure that every child has a book of their own. Research by the National Literacy Trust in 2017 found that 1 in 11 UK children do not have a book of their own at home, and this rises to 1 in 8 for children from disadvantaged backgrounds. The Director of the NLT, Jonathan Douglas said, “that book ownership in this country is really strongly linked to literacy issues and social mobility.” He went on to discuss that children who don’t own books are less likely to have positive experiences of reading, less likely to do well at school, less likely to send emails or read websites, and thus grow up with a disadvantage in the modern world.

To combat this, the World Book Day charity send millions of book tokens (almost 15 million!) to children and young people in the UK. And of course, to add a fun element and encourage children to read more, and to celebrate books, authors and illustrators, children get to dress up as their favourite book character, and share their book with their classmates! And this is when parents go, ahhhh!!

So! with that in mind we came up with a few easy ideas to dress up as the wonderful Florence from our books.

All it takes is a striped dress and a pair of white sneakers!

Or if you fancy dressing up as Florence when she’s all grown up and is The Queen Engineer, all you need is any blue dress (last years’ Cinderella, Elsa (or even Matilda), and a pair of red wellies and a construction hat!

Whoever and whatever your children dress up as this World Book Day, please do all enjoy it, and enjoy reading your favourite books. And remember: a book is for life not just World Book Day!!

Please note: none of the brands mentioned have in any way sponsored or endorsed this post. They are not affiliate links and this is not an AD.

International Women’s Day 2019
Company News

International Women’s Day 2019

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This year’s International Women’s Day is on Friday 8th March. Some people may (will) ask, why do we need an international women’s day? What about an international men’s day? Well. First of all, there is an IMD: it’s on 19th November. And secondly, whenever anyone responds to just about any question with, what about, you pretty much have answered the question as to why you needed it in the first place!

See IWD isn’t about men; it’s about celebrating women. Their achievements. Their acts of courage and determination. Their attempts to create change and a more equal world for everyone. So if you make it about men, by asking what about, then you’re missing the point altogether.

It’s like someone doing a sponsored run for Cancer Research, and saying, but what about heart disease? But, what about it? In choosing to run for research in cancer, we’re not ignoring heart disease. This sponsored run is for cancer research, because for this moment time, we want to focus on that. Doesn’t mean heart disease doesn’t exist, or isn’t worthy of our attention. Just right now, we’re focussing on cancer research.

But more often than not, people don’t say things like that. When you set up your Just Giving page and share it with friends and family, they either donate, or they don’t. Rarely would anyone openly challenge your decision to run 10k, and donate the sponsorship money to a worth while cause. But so often, when you say you’re a feminist, or that you’re celebrating a female focused event, like IWD, people challenge your thinking, and often, in the way they challenge, they make it about men.

But as we’ve already said, IWD is about celebrating women. Though it officially became recognised in 1975 by the United Nations, there were a number of celebrations and days of observance dating back to 1909, when a National Women’s Day was held in New York. And in 1914, on March 8th, there was a march from Bow in East London to Trafalgar Square in support of woman’s suffrage. This was also the day that Sylvia Pankhurst (Emmeline’s daughter) was arrested outside Charing Cross Station, on her way to speak in Trafalgar Square. So it’s rather fitting that we chose International Woman’s Day, to celebrate the launch our collaboration with Cotton Twist: a make your own Emmeline Pankhurst peg doll.

So on this International Women’s Day, I shall be thinking about Emmeline and all the brave women who stood by her side, campaigning for a woman’s right to vote. So much has changed since then, and there are still so many amazing women (and men) today, lobbying and creating positive change for future generations of girls and boys. And that is certainly something to celebrate.

The make your own Emmeline Pankhurst peg doll is a Thea Chops Books collaboration with Cotton Twist, and the first in their Wonderful Women range.

Questions

Fairytales: what they are really saying?

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Previously on this blog, I’ve written about the power of words – how they are seldom ever ‘just words’ and how their meaning has such an impact on us from a young age.  I also gave you my take on Goldilocks and the Three Bears.  Not (in my humble opinion) a classic, much loved children’s fairy tale; but rather a rude, overly inquisitive little girl, who spreads her germs by double dipping spoons and breaks things without apology.  This week, I’m thinking about what Jack & the Beanstalk is really all about, and what it’s teaching our kids (spoiler alert – again, not so much!):

Jack & the Beanstalk

Having been given just one task to complete by his long suffering mum, Jack promptly ignores her request to sell their (only) cow, and instead arrives home having swapped it for some, woooo, magic beans.  And for this inability to follow a simple request, Jack is, in fairness, sent to bed.  But upon waking, and discovering a magic beanstalk has grown in the garden, he starts to climb (did he tell his poor mum where he was off to? Who knows but I’m guessing not).  At the top of the beanstalk, he discovers a blood-smelling giant, and not content with eating the giant’s sausages, he then steals a bag of gold from him, and hot foots it back home.

Now Jack’s mum seemingly doesn’t question where a small boy would procure such a bag of loot, and  she spends it all, admittedly on food (which they were in need of following the cow / magic bean swap).  Thing is, here once again is a child who isn’t shown any consequences for their actions.  If she wasn’t going to reprimand him for theft, the least she could have done is encouraged him to open an ISA.

Jack climbs the beanstalk again, and this time makes off with a goose who lays golden eggs.  It’s not made clear in the story, if the mum is complicit in this second act of larceny, but it would appear that Jack is once again, not reprimanded.

Not content, Jack scales the beanstalk a third time, and steals a self-playing harp.  But finally, he’s pursued by the Giant!  Jack’s mum (who now clearly must be totally in cahoots) throws him an axe and once the beanstalk is chopped down, the Giant falls.  To his death.  

And they all (save for the giant) lived happily ever after.  No prosecution for three counts of theft. Certainly nothing for gianticide.  Moral of the story:  crime does pay.  Handsomely.  And seemingly once again, with no consequences.

Now my tongue is once again somewhat in my cheek. But writing this got me wondering about what the actual moral of the story was intended to be.  A quick google brought up suggestions such as, one should take advantage of the opportunities that life provides for you. True enough. Another: listen to your mother.  This once left me thinking, or what?  You’ll end up very wealthy?!

We read to our children from the day they are born, and talk to them about stories, films, the world, everything we can. Little ears take everything on board, and they are very literal. When my daughter was small I asked her what she thought The Gruffalo was about, (the classic David v. Goliath tale of brains outsmarting braun).  And she replied, “It’s about a mouse. Who goes for a walk”. 

Not quite the message I was hoping had got though, but she’s not wrong though!  She was only about 2, and it was a good conversation starter! And that is the bit I hold onto when she requests one of these outdated stories or movies.  We use it to start an conversation and ask her what she thinks.  Start a discussion and their minds will begin to consider these messages for themselves. Encouraging children to think, is no bad thing!

Now, if we could just get her to find some magic beans, we’d be rich too!!

Questions

Where do you read?

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Lots of us read to our children. The benefits are well known and so for most of us it just becomes part of the bedtime routine.  Many of us also read with our kids during the day, and certainly once they start school you’re encouraged to sit with them while they embark on their own journeys into the magical world of books. 

When they’re babies and toddlers we know that reading improves a child’s vocabulary and language skills. Like anything in life, the more we do something the better we become at it and reading is no exception; it’s exercise for the brain! It improves concentration in children as they learn to sit still and focus on the story.  And as well as teaching kids about the world around them, other countries, cultures and people, it helps them to develop empathy, when you encourage children to imagine how they would feel in the same situations as the characters. 

When I was little, I adored reading.  I would get lost in a book for hours!  I would sit on bed and devour book after book, imagining myself entering adventures and magical worlds. As Thea starts to read more and more independently, I often wonder if she’ll grow to love reading as much as I did (and still do when I make the time!).  So last summer, when we decorated a new bedroom for her, I knew I wanted to have some areas that could be cosy reading corners for her.  A beautiful bed with lots of gorgeous throw pillows is one place of course!

And a cosy cushion filled teepee is another!

And a blank space on top of a good old Ikea Stuva storage bench, became another spot with the aid of an oversized floor cushion, some Great Little Trading Company shelves, and a wooden read sign we bought in a little shop in Rye last summer.

I guess I was working on the old ‘if you build it they will come’ theory.  Create some spaces that you’d want to curl up in with a good book, and hopefully, we’ll create a child who loves to read.

And a child who loves to read?  Well, the world is their oyster right?

Opinion

Fairytales & Nursery Rhymes? Bestsellers or Balderdash?

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A few years ago, before Thea Chops Books was even a twinkle in the eye, I used to write a blog.  I published a post called “What do old fashioned stories teach our children? Answer: very little!” The idea for the post came about as I sat listening to someone singing the old nursery rhyme, Hot Cross Buns. After they finished singing I commented / joked, “What if you actually have daughters?  If you have daughters then don’t your sons get any hot cross buns? Do the sons go hungry if you have daughters?” To which the singer replied, “Oh you always read far too much into these things, it’s just a nursery rhyme.”.

And it got me thinking about whether it really was just a nursery rhyme. 

Or should we be more concerned with the messages contained within those songs that we sing to our children, from day one? 

Nursery rhymes, fairytales and children’s stories, are some of the first words heard by babies. And we sing them and read them on repeat!  “Don’t sing it again mummy, I can tell you’re tired from the broken sleep I forced you to endure last night.” said NO CHILD EVER.

But, words are powerful.

They have the power to make us laugh, cry, or fear.  Poorly chosen words at the wrong moment is like gunpowder on a naked flame.  And these words from rhymes and stories, the messages contained within, they have an impact on the young minds listening, and they help to shape a child’s view of the world, of their place in it, of their worth.

I started writing to see if I could create stories that give children more empowering messages, and teach boys and girls that they are each other’s equals.  To teach them that accepting one another just as they are, is the best way to live happily. 

So I was writing this old blog post, and I started to think about some of the old fashioned nursery rhymes that have been told to kids for centuries. Generations of children have been shaped by the tales of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty and the big bad wolf.  And the messages within these tales?  They’re horrendous!!  Don’t believe me?  Let me give you my take on that much loved classic:

Goldilocks and the Three Bears

A little girl (no older than about ten) goes for a walk in the woods.  Why a young child is walking alone in a forest is anyone’s guess, and though we should encourage our children to be independent, and facilitate their sense of adventure, a stroll alone through the deep dark wood, is at best going to mean an encounter with a Gruffalo.

After stumbling upon a house, and getting no reply to a knock on the door, what does little Goldi do?  She presumes they’re not in, turns around, and heads back through the woods to find her parents, who are worried sick that she’s wandered off alone.  No. That’s not what Goldilocks does.  She wanders into someone else’s home to have a nose around.  

Not content with her amateur attempt at Through the Keyhole (who lives in a place like this? Three scary ass bears, that’s who, now run for your life), she tries three bowls of porridge, replacing the spoon back into each bowl.  And after her germs have been suitably spread, and breaking a small chair, she then decides to have a lie down in each of the three beds, before snuggling in and going to sleep.  

When Mr & Mrs Bear arrive home they find young Goldi napping away in their baby’s bed.  And what does the rumbled miss do?  She runs off never to be seen again.  No apology.  No, ‘I’m sorry I broke into your home, ate your food, smashed a chair and slept in your child’s bed.’  No consequences for someone who should at the very least be charged with unlawful intrusion.

It’s one version of the story anyway.  And all joking aside, you can see how the messages we send to  our kids might be at odds with the values we’re hoping to instil in them (at the very least, don’t eat from a stranger’s spoon).

And so Thea Chops Books was born.

And if you fancy hearing my version of Jack in the Beanstalk, tune in next week!

Nevertheless, she persisted.
Opinion

Nevertheless, she persisted.

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Recently, over on Instgaram, I wrote about the time that I had a slightly sticky conversation with someone about why I write about the things I write about. I think I do it for pretty simple reasons like wanting our children to have equal opportunities in life. The person I was talking to seemed pretty cross that ‘people like you nit pick at everything.’

Later that day I was chatting to someone else about my conversation. Their response? Why even start a conversation like that with someone who is a Septuagenarian, and who you know disagrees with your views. And for a second I wondered if maybe they were right; maybe I should just avoid these topics with some people….. The friend who revels in sharing outdated sexist views about women in the workplace, or about doing jobs around the house, because ‘it just bants, relax, I’m just winding you up’. Or the much older work colleague who claims they are never going to hold a door open again because ‘you feminists want to hold your own doors open’…. You know who I mean. (As a side note, you’ll often hear ‘bants’ used as an excuse for sexism or rudeness, and claiming ‘you feminists all do something’ is as absurd as saying ‘all British people drink at least 5 cups of tea everyday’. I know plenty of Brits who drink 6 cups). But silencing myself to keep someone else happy, that just felt wrong. Not talking about what I believe to be right, in order to not potentially have a difficult conversation. Yeh, that just doesn’t sit comfortably does it?

Because I’m not talking about hurting people. I’m not planning to cancel Christmas, or declare that parents can no longer cook fish fingers with peas at dinnertime (what would we feed the children…..?). I’m talking about basic human rights for everyone. Human rights. Not feminist rights. Human.

So I’ve decided that if I’m asked a question, I shouldn’t shy away from responding honestly. I don’t want to pick a fight with anyone (Lord knows I hate confrontation and would rather run a 10k). But I will persist with my beliefs that girls are equal to boys, and that they should both live exactly the lives they wish, without any stereotypes being forced upon them.

In early 2017 US Democrat Elizabeth Warren was silenced on the senate floor by Mitch McConnell with the words “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted.” McConnell’s supporters said she had broken senate rules, and was within his rights, but critics said the language that was used was all too common from those who wish to silence, marginalise or ignore people. I don’t compare myself with a US Senator taking to the house floor to debate (I’d run a 20k to avoid that!), but I do think it’s important for me to remember that it’s ok, not to avoid the tricky conversations. Or none of us will ever learn anything new. And nothing will ever change.

Why I agree with Keira Knightley about Disney Movies.
Opinion

Why I agree with Keira Knightley about Disney Movies.

Suzanne Hemming

Today I read that Keira Knightley has banned her 3 year old daughter from watching certain Disney films.  And I have to agree with her.

Before I had my daughter, now 5 1/2, I didn’t really give much thought to the messages within a Disney movie, or a fairytale story book.  I’d been raised on them, most of us had been raised on them, and I like to think that many of us had turned out ok (which is a phrase that the ‘whatabouters’ like to throw around: didn’t have this political correctness malarkey in my day and I turned out ok.  The ‘whatabouters’ being those people who say things like, “International Women’s Day?  What about International Men’s Day?”).  But I felt life had turned out pretty well: I could vote, I could work, my choices were mine, I lived a good life.

Then in 2013 I gave birth my daughter, and started to think about the world she’d been born into, and wondered what life would be like for her. I’ve said before that it felt like my eyes opened for the first time as it struck me just how unequal everything still was (is!);  how society favoured men above women, and the word of men over a woman’s; how much a woman’s value was still measured by her looks, her ability to be deemed attractive, ladylike, and how rife and engrained everyday sexism really was.  And once my eyes finally had opened, I couldn’t help but see the 1000s of messages that are fed to us, men and women, and our children every day, telling us we’re not really equal, that our gender will most likely determine our role in life.

I realised that though I can tell and show my daughter that she’s strong and capable of anything she sets her mind to, and worthy of her space in the world, I became aware of the many messages telling her otherwise.  And the source of some of those many messages? Fairy tales, story books and classic princess movies. And just like Keira Knightley, it struck me that Cinderella waits to be rescued, and that the prince, who claims to have fallen in love, doesn’t even recognise her when she’s in daywear.  That Ariel gives up her voice, and her family, everything about her whole world in fact, for a man who doesn’t know who she is (and who then almost marries a sea witch).  That the prince kisses Sleeping Beauty while she’s asleep, a non consensual kiss, yet she wakes up and marries him.  And Aurora, having been happily singing to herself in the woods, pulls away from Prince Phillip not once but four times, but still he pursues her, and eventually does get the girl. 

I have said before that I think there’s nothing wrong with a princess dress, the colour pink, playing with dolls etc and I stand by that.  I don’t want to flat out ban my daughter from playing something, or watching something (unless we feel it’s not age appropriate).  So in that sense Keira and I have taken a slightly different approach as is our choice as parents. And so we do still watch these films from time to time, but we talk about them as we watch.  I see them as a conversation starter, to allow children to start to think for themselves about what is right and wrong.

Because kids tend to watch these films over and over again throughout childhood, so the hidden messages have plenty of time to drip drip drip into young malleable brains and help form a child’s view of the world and their place in it.  

In 2015 I decided to start rewriting the stories.  I began with Cinderella: in my version (Ella and the iPhone) the heroine leaves her phone behind at a party, and the popular guy has to find the thumb that unlocks it, whereupon Ella turns down his proposal in favour of being friends and going to uni. I loved re-working this classic tale of girl sits and waits to be rescued by boy, and thus began a new career: writing rhyming children’s books that have messages of equality, acceptance of oneself and each other, and which will hopefully inspire young minds (male and female) that their gender does not determine their role in life, and they really are each others equal. 

Let’s hope our children, and our children’s children will not have to ride a 5th wave of feminism, and will learn about those passive princesses only in history books.